toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
