Bisexual people are plain selfish.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
3pm strippers are depressing
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
