He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
