he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize