u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
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