Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
