I think scott just propositioned me for sex
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
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