If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
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