idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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