I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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