Her vagina should come with caution tape.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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