girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
