I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
The air taste purple.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
