I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize