Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
