Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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