Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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