her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
