the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
