how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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