the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
