i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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