Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
