Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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