I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
