soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
