i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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