At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i think i scared a bird with my dick
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
