I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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