I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
