but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
