help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
