He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
