think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
