physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
So. Much. Porn.
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