Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
