Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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