i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
