I wannas sexs uuuuu
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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