Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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