Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
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