i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
