Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
