the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
