i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
