I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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