its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
