i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Dick very happy bro
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
