Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
