I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
