come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
