I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Randomize
