I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
