the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
