Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
