You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
it's like iHOP with fire
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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