I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Randomize
