there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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