that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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