i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
