This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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