u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
