I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
