I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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