what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
